Brother had been playing in the water with the girls. His wife stood on the shore, watching him. Brother was having fun, the girls jumping on him trying to drown him. His wife was about to put an end to that.
As we went into the cabanas to watch our film, she decided they could work things out after all. The smiling came to a screeching halt for both parties.
Oh, ah, good. Glad to hear it?
Just to clarify, Waldo & Scruffy are his wife's(48) kids. Brother (35) met Waldo first and they hit it off. Waldo wanted to keep Brother forever, he loved him so much, so he introduced them.
We now believe Waldo simply wanted protection.
We all wanted protection.
Waldo came with our crew, along with Mr. & Mrs. Bandaids. We had to squat down shoulder-to-shoulder in about 3 feet of freezing, ninnie-hardening water. Dh looked down and spoke to himself, uh, down there.. "Look out boys, here we go."
Now, skin-to-skin contact with your family members is one thing, you know about skin-to- skin contact, when you are too close to someone else’s sweaty, sticky, clammy skin and when you pull apart, it sort of sticks together.
Ugg, do it with someone who has an odd odor and multiple Band-Aids.
Front to back of the line up was Waldo, Commando Nikki, Beetlebum, Em, Dh, me, Mrs. & Mr. Band-Aids.
Mrs. Band-Aids was squishing up against me hard, apparently having never been informed of the no skin-to-skin contact rules. I asked Dh to please trade places with me.
He did, for a second and a half.
Scuba Steve doesn't like fish or Band-Aids touching him. He squat-swam to the front of the line up to get as far away from Mrs. Band-Aids as he could. Ew-ew-ew.
Love ya, mean it.
We let Mr. & Mrs. Bandaids go first.
She had left a Band-Aid imprint on my shoulder. Thanks, bunches!
Next was DH & myself. It hadn't occurred to me until just that second that we had to swim from 3 feet of ninnie-hardening water into 30 feet of it.
Anyone seen my long, floaty, life-saving, stick thing? Sure could use it about now.
Dh told me to keep one hand on his shoulder and he would make sure I didn't drown. Part
of me believes he didn't want me to drown because he wasn't sure where his licence was, and he isn't allowed any money or tickets.
But again I am transformed into giggling school girl.
I'm touching Scuba Steve! I'm touching Scuba Steve!
I don't know what got into me, okay? I HAVE seen this guy naked.
So we get about half way out, I'm drinking most of the water on the way, Oh god, just HOW many people and dolphins peed in here today? and the lady waiting for us in the middle notices I am, in fact, drowning. Love ya hon’, mean it. Really, I do. Can't you feel me digging into your flesh?
She swims to us and said "Can't swim?"
Oh, of course I can swim, I was just very, very thirsty.
I can swim, but this is the most accurate way to test the salt-level content of the tank.
You're a lifeguard, do I look like I am swimming to you?
If I could swim, why wouldn't I? Wouldn't this be a good time to do such a thing?
Now having to put my life into this ladies hands, literally, I kept my sarcastic remarks to myself. She took my hand and PULLED me out to where we belonged and in doing so I swallowed a gallon and a half of people/dolphin peed in water.
Lesson one on how to swim: Shut your mouth.
We were floating in the middle, okay, THEY were floating, I was hanging on for dear life. "Jenny" our dolphin swam right up next to us. This is where I quickly discovered that the video tape and lesson in the cabana earlier was important need-to-know information. They told us to watch out for that powerful tail. No matter what, stay out of the way of its powerful tail.
Lesson two on how to swim: People who CAN swim aren't sticking their legs STRAIGHT out to the sides.
For some reason, I cannot explain, my legs were sticking straight out to the sides and I got clobbered by Jenny’s tail. I can imagine this is what it is like to be hit by a 50lb. bag of cement. I think Jenny was just as surprised as me.
Lesson three on how to swim: People who CAN swim, don’t want you to come along and try to wrap your legs around them.
The two swimming people had decided that the drowner had to go. That sounded pretty good to me, until I thought about it for a minute. Would Jenny really care if I drown on the way back in? Is it possible that Jenny was mad at me for having my legs sticking straight out to the side?
Talk about being in over your head.
I was instructed to put one hand on Jenny’s dorsal fin and the other on her, wait... If the one her back is a dorsal fin, what’s the one on her side called?
Lesson four on how to swim: If you are going to have to replace your long, floaty, life- saving, stick thing with a wild animal, pay closer attention to the video tape.
So, I held on to Jennys dorsal fin and the mystery fin sticking out of her side.
Now, already, I had forgotten lesson one on how to swim: Shut your mouth. I had another
gallon or so of dolphin/people peed water and...
Me and Jenny were outta there.
One small detail, I still don't know where to put my legs.
The velocity that Jenny was traveling was sucking my legs under her tail. Jenny beat the heck out of me all the way back. See! I knew she was mad at me.
Hey Jenny! Love ya, mean it!
When we arrived back to the safer 3 feet of water, Em dropped a fish in Jenny’s mouth and she zipped right back out to Dh and the life-saving lady.
I missed seeing his ride, I was watching Beatlebum. She never took her eyes off Jenny.
I was about to witness a dream come true for my baby.