10/1/2003~ Getting ready to go and the airport incident

The group that went:

Our group~
Me, you know that because I am writing the trip report.
DH (Dear Husband), We needed someone to carry stuff, and eventually earned the title of "Scuba Steve".
DD (Darling Daughter) (17) Commando Nikki, the brat actually had a whistle. She's up hours ahead of everyone and stands around clapping her hands yelling, "Move it people, we have a park to visit!"
DD (14) Beetlebum, just plain happy to be there.
DsD (Darling Step-Daughter) (6) Em, The tree hugger.
DS (Dear Son) (19) Airman, Just a few days of leave, then back to the base.

My brothers group~
DB (Dear Brother), Expert at standing outside shops, holding bags, and WAITING.
SIL (Sister In-law), Blackbelt shop-a-holic.
DsN,(Dear Step-Nephew) I was never introduced to. 

I know they where SIL's son and DIL, and that they slept two rooms over from us. We called them "Pig tails" and "Scruffy".

Pigtails never really spoke to us, but I think she may have had some family problems and when scruffy did talk to us, we couldn't understand anything he was saying anyway.

I tried to sleep in as late as I could because I knew I had to work that night, and we had to leave here at three in the morning, but that didn't happen. I was way too excited and I still had a lot of things left to do before I went to work anyway, so I made a phone call to DH and gave him his last minute instructions.

He does none of the planning, but he follows directions very well.

I grabbed a few things and headed off to the bank to cash checks, move money, turn in change, that kind of stuff. I started off down the street and my phone rings.
Not my cell, my cordless from the house. I never hung it back up.
The sad part is, I still didn't realize it until I answered it and got an ear full of loud static.
Then, for some reason I even felt the need to lock my truck while I was in the bank, just in case someone saw my cordless phone, and decided to use it. Yeah, I'm 6 miles away from the base, it could still work.

I continued to have small "stupid attacks" throughout the day. I really needed a vacation.

We did pretty well packing up our 1/4 ton of belongings. The 5 of us, myself, DH, and 3 DDs, (DS met us there) each had a suitcase and a carry on.

Then there was a suitcase with a suitcase in it.

I just couldn't get DH to understand why I was doing that, and was accused of just giving him more stuff to carry or just trying to find a reason to use my luggage rack on my truck.

I admit it, okay, that the luggage rack was one of the first features of my truck that I pointed out to him when I bought it, and I was tickled pink to own a vehicle with one. DH is just funny about driving around with things on your roof. I don't know why?

Its about 100 miles from our place to the airport. I can't ride in a car across town unless I am driving. I freak out thinking about someone else having control over my life for that long. When I was growing up my dad and 4 brothers all drove stock/race cars. They traumatized me. I don't like to fly either, and at the risk of sounding like a commercial, I rely on Xanax.

That’s right folks, Xanax, for those afraid to fly.

I thought I would just drive to the airport, park the truck, pop a Xanax, get on a plane and all would be right in the world. I couldn't have been more mistaken. The minute I saw those huge signs that say "Hey, the airports over here" I had a full blown panic attack. I was trying to stay cool about it, but DH noticed that I went from driving 35 mph to 10 mph. I managed to get a parking spot, but failed to pay attention to where we were parked.

I figured I would never see the truck ever again anyway, because I was about to die, so who can be bothered by these little details?
The first thing I did was take my wonderful little Xanax, (no water, just swallowed that sucker dry) as soon as we stopped moving. Did anyone else know it takes about 20 minutes for those to work? Yeah. 20 minutes. But when it does work....

We got to the security line up. In all honesty, this is what I was really the most nervous about. Once I am on a plane, I am fine. There is something about going through the line up that freaks me out.

So, I hand the nice man my tickets and out ID's and guess who got selected for random search? ME, the one who sets off alarms every time I go somewhere. The reason why my mom makes me sit in the car. OH boy. The rest of my family goes through another line, while I am taken off to the side. The man asked me if I had ever done this and I start to say "I haven't flown since the...."

Are you allowed to say terrorist attack? I know people have been arrested for saying things about bombs, so what happens when you come right out and say terrorist attack?

At this point the Xanax is kicking in, and I began using sign language to represent terrorist attack. No, I can't speak sign, but I can fling my hands around. Nearly poked the guys eye out. That scared me, figuring I am about to be arrested for assault with a finger, so I jam my hands in my pockets.

No, that certainly doesn't look suspicious.

He led me over to a chair and another lady comes over and they remove my shoes. She swings a rod around my foot and is explaining to me that if it goes off she will need to touch my person.

I look right at her and say "Could you kiss me first?"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s Xanax, for inappropriate responses.

Well, of course, I set off the alarm, that’s what I am good at. I had change in my pocket. I take it out, put it in a little dish, and she continues to swing around her little rod. I continue to set off the alarm. What ever it is, is in the front of my pants. So I have to lift my shirt up to show her what is in front of my pants. I even pulled my pants out to give her a good look, prepared to remove them (Xanax stupor) and she steps back and says "That is not necessary ma’m, its the snap on your jeans." She saved Manchester airport from seeing me in my underwear. 

She is a hero.

We gather back together, DH & I need to cigarette. We wonder over to the smoking area, that is really a glass boxed room. Makes you realize what a display item feels like. The girls are directly on the other side of the glass doing silly things like pushing thier faces up against it and what not. They turn around and discover the rows of phones. They start to play "phone call" and we are watching them, when a police officer comes over and starts talking to the 6 yr old. "Oh, officer friendly is saying hello, how nice."
Yeah, till I noticed my other two brats looking around like there’s birds suddenly in the place and slowly walking away.
So I put one hand on DH's shoulder and one foot on his hip and give him a big SHOVE and tell him to go find out what happened. He gets up off the floor and I head over to the other two monsters and asked what happened. She called 911. I asked her why and she said.
"Its the only number I know"

They still let us on the plane and we were off to the world.

10/2/2003 A very important announcement, and we arrive at POR (Port Orleans Riverside)

So Delta kindly lets us board their aircraft and on the way down the ramp I was taking swings at the older girls for allowing the little one to call 9-11. They are very good at dodging and weaving, by the way. I know its really mine & Dh's fault for assuming that a 14 & 17 year old can keep and eye on one 6 yr old while their parents are sitting on the other side of a glass wall, but it's usually better to have someone else to blame? I think so.

The flight from Manchester, NH to Altanta was, ohh, I'd say about 5 minutes. Xanax to the rescue! 

I was woken up to beatlebum(14) saying "Mom, your drooling on my homework." 

I wasn't really drooling, I was testing the underwater durability of the paper, there is a difference. 

We somehow ended up on another flight that took us to Orlando, but I'll be honest here, I was in a fog. I remember being dragged off the plane by commando Nikki (17), who at this point, probably could have used the Xanax more than me. She was on overload. "People, lets move, move, move!!" 

We got to baggage claim, and I was feeling fresh as a daisy. Then it occurred to me that our limo wasn't there! I tell the crew to stay put, do not move, I will be right back. I am walking back and forth past all the other people holding signs with other peoples names, but none of them are ours. 

Thinking, maybe I have forgotten how to spell my own name, I check a third time. Nope, nada. I had thought of pretending we were another family, but I got over it. One lady holding a sign asked me which company I was looking for and I said Star limo and she said, "Oh, that’s too bad."

Apparently, they aren't very prompt. "You will have to call them to get them to come." I never had to call Tiffany Towncar. They were always there, with the sign and my name spelled correctly. 

Great, someone has to go tell commando Nikki, we have no ride yet. I flip open my cell, left the cordless at home, called Star and they said "yeah, someone will be there, eventually." 

Well, that’s mighty nice of them. I was very afraid to go back and tell the crew that for right now we didn't have a ride. This could get ugly. So, I started skipping back over to them. Yes, really skipping. Dainty fingers in the air and everything.

Well, what would you have done to distract them??

Commando Nikki (17) is a very smart child. She knew instantly there was a problem. A normal 17 yr old would have been mortified that their mother was skipping across an airport, but my kid knew I was trying to create a diversion. "Okay, Star is a no show. I will call my brother or a cab and see..." 

That’s as far as I got. Commando Nikki calmly said "Ah, pardon me, mother (like a dirty word) are you saying we have no ride?" 

Oh she's a quick one. 

She actually turned white, began to sweat, and for a quick second, I really believed she was gonna faint. Thank the good lord at the same time, a limo guy was running across the airport. Just before DH tripped him, he was yelling our name. Only 25 minutes late. Whats 25 minutes to three girls who are dying to get to Disney and a mother who hasn't seen her Air Force son in months and a DH who is really wishing there were some men to talk to. Not a problem.

We went out, carrying our own luggage because the limo guy was busy trying to find his keys or something. We didn't care about that, we just wanted out of the stupid airport. As the limo guy and DH are loading our 1/4 ton of stuff into the trunk, I started to say something to him about our 1/2 hour grocery stop that I was guaranteed. "No, no, no I have no paperwork for that and we are running late, your going straight to Port Orleans Riverside or your paying me an extra $25.00." 

WE?? We are running late?? I'm sorry, I didn't notice him skipping across the airport. I already paid them $200.00!! I wasn't paying him more. So because this clown was late, I didn't get my grocery stop. Wow, was I mad! But I was at the point that I just wanted to see my family and I knew that I would do this:

ATTENTION TO THE 55,000 MEMBERS OF THE DIS BOARD: STAY AWAY FROM STAR TAXI/LIMO. THEY CHARGED ME $200.00, THEY WERE LATE, RUDE, TRIED TO GET EXTRA MONEY FROM ME AND THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME MY GROCERY STOP!!! ON THE WAY BACK TO THE AIRPORT THEY WERE 45 MINUTES LATE AFTER I CALLED THEM TWICE!!

Ahh, that feels so much better, Thanks.

So, we finally made it to Port Orleans Riverside.....
 

STILL 10/2/2003 ~ Finally make it to MK

We climbed into our limo and my entire family sat towards the front, all squashed up together, with skin-to-skin contact because they were afraid that I was about to blow a cork. They didn't dare come near me. Once the car started rolling, I knew I would get even. I would tell the Dis. Ha! Mess with me, will ya?? Treat one DISer badly and they will only tell over 55,000 of their closest friends. How do you like me now?

With my plan firmly in place, I really started to feel better. I told the crew to start breathing again, and we finally arrived at POR. The driver barely had stopped when I jumped out because my baby boy, the child who has made me so proud, with his sweet little cheeks, smiling ear-to-ear was just standing there, in his clean white shirt with his military hair cut and all these new muscles, holding a Mickey Mouse doll....

Excuse me **sniff, snort**

The girls were so happy to see him, especially Em (6). She has a really hard time understanding where DS went. To her, he was a super hero. She climbs all over him and tries to beat him up. He lets her pretend that she has him in a "sleeper-hold" and makes him "tap-out" before she lets go. They are so great together. The Mickey doll was for her.

We were so excited to be together again, all of 6 us. When you have a "blended" family and they are growing up, it becomes more and more difficult to get together.

The bell hop guy was really great, and zoomed us to our room on that little buggy thing pretty quickly. Em(6) thought this was a ride.

My brother and his crew were already there and unpacked. They arrived a couple hours before us and got lucky that POR gave them their room so early! 

When we pulled up, they thought we would need time to unpack and get organized. Why did they think that? Commando Nikki (17) had the door to the room opened, luggage thrown in there and was headed for the bus stop before we even got of the little buggy thing.

Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit.

We really did open the door & throw the luggage in, BUT we looked inside for a second. We were ready to head to the Magic Kingdom. I passed out lanyards, pins, autograph books, pressed penny books and Epcot passports to everyone that I had bought from Gifts of a Lifetime before hand. I was glad I had done that, it really thrilled the heck out of the kids.

The whole bunch of us headed off for the MK without pigtails and scruffy. 

I think there was an issue with them, I don't know, we couldn't wait. I hadn't been there for 4 years and I forgot about the bag checks going in. It wasn't there last time. It only took a few minutes to go through, no big deal. Then I go through the turnstiles and stand and wait for the rest of my crew to come through and hand me their resort ID cards. 

 

Brother looks at DH and makes a weird face. Must be a guy language I don't understand because all DH said was "She won't let me carry my driver’s license either." Brother nodded and rolled his eyes.

Well, come on, my DH has a wife, because he needs one, okay? I let him have his license back to save face with my brother and guess where it was the day we went to the Richard Petty Driving Experience? On the nightstand, in our room. He's lucky he was only doing the ride along.

We hit the POC (Pirates of the Carribean), HM (Haunted Mansion), IASW (It’s a Small World) when everyone started claiming starvation. Beetlebum(14) was looking a little pale and Em (6) was chewing the Mickey mouse doll. We decided to eat at the Liberty Tavern. Really good food. Hey, guess what? There are characters in there. Em(6) could barely handle it, she never has been to these types of meals. Minnie Mouse came over and you would have thought Brittany Spears had just sat down with us. I thought the child was going to faint. She went speechless. She was our little Disney princess for a few minutes,
Then it happened...

We were eating, chatting and really enjoying ourselves when Em(6) squealed "Chuck & Dave! Chuck & Dave!" The entire table of 9 people went silent. We even sat motionless for a second or two. 

Brother looks at me and says "Who is Chuck & Dave, and where are they going to sit?" 

Commando Nikki throws her napkin over her face and says, "Please tell me she didn't just call Chip & Dale, Chuck & Dave!" 

Beetlebum asked "Do we have to leave Disney World now?" 

Poor Em(6) didn't live that down for the rest of the trip.

As the park started closing, I stopped to take some photos of the castle turning colors. I was doing this for a few minutes and when I turned around.....

All four kids were standing in front of it, in a group hug. It was a beautiful day and I was very blessed.

10/3/2003 ~ The camera bag incident & LYMI

I woke up at about 5:30 am. I was choking to death. I had been on antibiotics for three days for bronchitis and I couldn't breathe. 

 I was coughing so much that I had to leave our room and go outside for a while. I walked over to the food court, grabbed a coffee and OJ in my pajamas. The girl behind the counter never batted an eye, so I guess this is normal behavior OR a lot of people in Florida wear blue pants with yellow ducks. 

What do I know, I'm from Maine.

POR is a very pretty resort. Very quite. I was sitting outside our rooms, building 18 by the way, and praying that Florida doesn't have any of those gigantic, yellow & black stripped grasshopper looking things with wings, because there was nobody awake to save me.

About a half hour later, I heard a whistle.

BLAST! BLAST! "Lets go people! Time to get up!"BLAST! BLAST! 

As I was sitting there thinking to myself, boy, if someone did that to me, I would FEED them the whistle, I realized it was coming from MY room! Oh GOD! I had left DH alone in there! Commando Nikki(17) would show him no mercy! I jumped up, knocked over my coffee, fell into the door because I forgot it locks when you go out, managed to get the key card out, had to swipe it 4 times to get the door open and make my way into the room.

In all the commotion of me trying to get into my room, I woke up Brother who opened his door to find out what in the world was going on. "NO! BROTHER CLOSE YOUR DOOR!"

Too late.

Commando Nikki(17) was already under his arm and in his room with her stupid whistle, blowing it over there. BLAST! BLAST! "Lets go people! Time to get up!"BLAST! BLAST! Brother is just standing there looking at me, mouth wide open and I smile and say "Well, at least she's out of my room." and close the door.

Brother was not amused.

After strapping Commando Nikki into a chair and slapping her around a bit, we went off to MGM. 

This is one of the few times pigtails and scruffy joined us. I think my crew scares them. I had the camera bag and was talking with DS as we walked up to the bag check station. I asked Dh if he would take it and go through for me because it was heavy and hurting my shoulder. DS and I walked through and waited on the other side. 

"Let's wait right here." I say to DS.

DH walks up to the bag checking guy with the camera bag. He unzips the main part of the bag, tips it up so he can see everything inside. "Could you open the other zipper sir?"

"Oh, sure, no problem. I don't think there is any....ACK! ARGLE, ACK! NO!!!"

This is the sound one man makes when he presents a pocket of tampons to another man. DS tells me that is defiantly NOT an okay thing to do to a man, but the girls were rolling on the ground. DH? Oh he's still standing there, frozen, screaming NO with the bag still open. The bag checking guy asks me if I could come collect my DH and I tell him, "I have never seen that man in my life, he's been following trying to show me what is in his bag." The bag checking guy is laughing and tells me I had better run while I still had a head start. Beetlebum (14) had to go drag him away by his arm. DH, DS and Brother decided I could carry my own stuff from here on out. Well, that certainly backfired on me, didn't it?

We saw the green army men, and got an autograph. 

Then things turned kinda ugly between Brother and his wife, who decided to fight about eating. It was getting really bad, and I ran over to 50's prime time and begged Susan (I think) if she could please get us in and could she please give us a great server because we were in the middle of a vacation breakdown. 

The kids hadn't done anything yet, we had been there standing around for over an hour, while they were getting mad at each other. I hate to get into ugly details, I want to keep this happy and funny, so I am skipping their problems.

Susan saved the day! We had Uncle Dave. I highly recommend Uncle Dave and plan on writing a glowing review about him to every Disney address I can find. Uncle Dave needs to know how he personally affected the rest of or vacation. If you have never eaten in the 50's, do it. It is a lot of fun. 

Uncle Dave would come into our "kitchen" made us set the table and remove hats. When scruffy started to protest Uncle Dave would say "Let it go". It was Uncle Dave that first called him scruffy, and we were grateful to have a name to go with the face. 

When he was leaving to get drinks he would say "Love ya, mean it." For the rest of the vacation, when my crew started to get tense, someone would raise their hand an say "Love ya, mean it". It would fix any problem we had for the rest of our stay. How can you fight with someone who yells that at you?

The food was great, and the girls & I split meals with no problem. I really wanted to try the s’mores I heard so much about, but we didn't have time. We had to be somewhere at 1:00.

So off we went.....
 

10/3/2003 ~ Don't scare me and nobody gets hurt

I had no idea I was so long winded. 

I am still telling you about day 2 of our trip and this is part 5! If youre enjoying these reports, the good news is that we stayed for nine days. If you are not enjoying these reports the bad news is we stayed for nine days.

We left MGM and crammed into Brothers van and DS's car. We were a group of 11 people at this point, and that is alot of skin-to-skin contact. 

I drive. Thats the rules. I don't care who owns the car, I'm driving, or I'm not going. Brother understands the rules and squishes into the back. DH is chanting *No skin-to-skin!* 

You see, Maine-ers aren't used to humidity in October. It is an un-natural state for us to be in. Keep your clammy, sticky skin over there.

Oh, where are we going? 

Yeah, there were a few in our group that didn't know that either.
For anyone who has a nascar loving family, or for anyone who has HEARD of nascar, this is another event I would highly recommend.

The Richard Petty Driving Experience. Its just outside of the MK parking lot. There were a couple of them that thought we were heading for the MK, it looks like you are as you drive up. Just bear to the left and *presto* there you are. You have to stop at the gate, and a man comes over to the car and says something but I couldn't hear him over the hillbilly screams coming from the back. The light turned green and I just went for it. You go in a tunnel that is acutually under the track.

When DS & I drive in tunnels, we beep our horns. Don't do that. There are two guys on the other side of the tunnel, sitting in lawn chairs, having a soda, and you WILL scare the sweet heck out of them. I am pretty sure they started off in the lawn chairs, but when we immerged from the tunnels, they were on the ground.

DH is a die-hard nascar loving fan. This was the only time during our trip he forgot about the skin-to-skin contact rules. Poor DH was sitting in the wayyyy back of the van too. We all get out and gather together behind the van, except DH. I question Brother and he is giggling.

They locked him in the van.

The van is rocking and banging around and you can hear screams comming out of it, 

**Let me out !!**

Brother was holding the power lock button. I slap Brother, collect poor DH, who at this point is purple! He shot out of that van like a roadrunner on speed. He was a blur. * Zoooom , Gone *

The rest of us enter the building and DH is already at the counter, bouncing up and down. He has the full attention of the nascar ride guy, who can't understand DH. 

He's talking like this:
" Gimmeacar,I'mgoingoutonthetrack,didyouhearthat,its anenginerevingup,whatareyouwaitingfor,getmeinacar, Igottago,ohtheregoesacar,I'mnotinit,letsgo."

Left the Xanax back in the room. It should be right next to DH's drivers licence, because I let him have it back, remember?

Lucky for him, they were only doing the ride-along. I paid for DH, DS and commando Nikki to go. They looked at DS and gave me a military discount. So, instead of $89 each it came to $78. 

Nice surprise! 

Brother's entire crew went except for pigtails. We had to wait about 1/2 hour, and I didn't think they could live that long. So they are standing around chatting with the nascar ride guy, and I am not paying attention to anything until everyone stops talking and is now staring at me.

"What??"

Em (6) is pointing at me and starts SCREAMING "She delivers pizza!!"

I point out the window and scream back "Chuck & Dave, Chuck & Dave!!"

What was this all about? Turns out the guy that will be driving them around also delivers pizza at night. They figure anyone who drives 40+ hours a week, can certainly drive in a circle without too much of a problem. The NASCAR drive guy looks at me and asks "Looking for a job?" Man, you and an entire room of people, that I don't know have discovered that I am, in fact, a "pizza dude". Yeah, I'm always looking for a job. What’s wrong with you?

So, everyone involved in the ride along gets into the fire-resistant suits. These are not to be confused with fire-proof suits. This is what the NASCAR ride guy kept telling us and all I keep thinking is if you are in a wreak out there at 165 mph, isn't the type of suit your wearing irrelevant? Shouldn't they invest in impact-resistant suits?

Finally, thank God, they are lined up waiting to get into their harnesses. They have really loud music playing right there, and it gets everyone pumped up. DS & Brother are be- bopping along with the song, while wearing their fire-resistant suits and harnesses. Harnesses restrict your movement and the straps go around between your legs. Should have seen DS's face when he realized that! Caught that moment on tape! OWCH! No more dancing for him.

Everyone gets their turn and the last to go is Commando Nikki (17). This was her punishment for the whistle earlier. She gets in and I am screaming "Careful! Fragile cargo!" They go around the track, but I didn't see them finish. The other cars come around again, but still no Nikki. Now, it's over, I am flipping out thinking they hit the wall over on the side I can't see. I grab Beatlebum (14) start shaking her and am yelling "Where is your sister??" Full panic mode. Dh comes over and says "She's right there, she got a pit stop." 

**BAM** I punched him. Right in the arm, really hard. In my mind, I reasoned, it was his fault somehow, just give me a minute to work out the details. If I wasn't in tears, I think he might have gotten mad at me. I never hit DH and I am not sure where THAT came from. I was lucky he was still soaring from his ride.

Can you believe this day is still not over, and we have a party to attend?
 

10/3/2003 ~ Wands of mass destruction

Can you believe I am still going on about our second day?

We all cram back into the vehicles, more skin-to-skin contact and head back over to POR. Let me just tell you here, POR is a great place, the rooms are a comfortable size for a family of 5, but for the sake of the other resort guests, I think the next time I will get two rooms at the All-Stars. I love the idea of two bathrooms with all these girls too. My crew is just too animated for "normal" people. 

Brother & his wife are having another problem, but we are skipping that stuff, remember?

Brother ran ahead of us to throw Em's (6) surprise in our room. We got to the door, slid the card a bunch of times, (It's me, NOT the door) and she went in first. On the bed was a gift box from Tinkerbell. 

Princess Em needed proper clothes to wear to the party. Tink must of stopped by while we were out.

Now, I have three older kids. DS Airman(19), Commando Nikki (17) & Beatlebum (14). Could someone explain to me how I could buy a wand for a small child and NOT realize that it is, in fact, a weapon? Stay out of Em's way, she now has a stick and is headed back to the parks. DS had gone to his car and came back wearing a jesters hat. "Chick magnet" He told me. I took notes on this because I felt it was important information for the DIS.

We get over to the monorail, and Em has decided that THIS is the greatest ride ever. She would just stay on it and ride around for hours, if we let her. Even tho there were a few times during our trip I thought this wouldn't be a bad idea, Disney is funny about you taking all your kids with you when you leave the monorail. 

We head over to the castle because I had dinner reservations. I made them months ago and hadn't planned on the MGM meltdown and the 50's (Yeah Uncle Dave!). 

DH had a fit. "Why are we eating again? We don't eat this much at home!" 

That's true. But I tell him we could go in for some dessert and give the kids a chance to see the castle from the inside. I'm in big trouble, he's joining forces with Commando Nikki. He's not a happy camper, so I threaten him with some skin-to-skin contact. He agrees to go in, but it had better be fast. 

"No problem," I say, "quick dessert and we are heading for Buzz Lightyear, I promise."

Good thing I didn't pinky-promise, because Brother's crew decided to have big meal.

Well, my crew couldn't sit still any longer and left me there. I was waiting for the bill. I was thinking I would just go over to the exit of Buzz Lightyear and find them as soon as they got off the ride. I paid our bill ($70 for 5 desserts) and went out the back side of the castle. There they all were. Just standing there. Apparently, they really can't function without me. I had the warm fuzzies knowing they didn't really want to leave me behind.

The MNSSHP was just great. When you first enter the turnstiles they hand you a plastic bag for your goodies. There are several candy stands set up throughout the park. They also had parades, fireworks, picture spots (photo for each ticket, we got 5!) and dance spots with hula-hoops. 

Say it with me: Fun for all!

Brother (poor Brother) and his wife were still at it (how do people get mad at Disney??), and we took their kid (18) with us. This was the beginning of his "Where's Waldo?" title. There are a lot of those family photo spots and he is in our family photos. He is also in our splash mountain photos, Rock ‘n Roll rollercoaster photos, you name the photo, and Waldo is in it. This is only the second time we had met him, but he is a very sweet guy and we didn't mind one bit. It was fun having another "newbie" in our group.

I bought Commando Nikki and Beatlebum some silly hats to wear. Nothing as cool as DS's "chick magnet" jesters hat, but they were pleased.

MNSSHP goes from 7-12. We were there at 5:00 and received wristbands when we entered the park. At 10:00 my cell rings and it is Brother. I told him we were going down splash mountain for the fourth time in a row, come on over. My phone works on splash mountain, IN THE RIDE, but not in our hotel room. I wonder if sprint can somehow work that into their commercials. No signal in the rooms. Can't hear you now. Nope.

Brother shows up, and we are all happy because he's going to come play with us. But Brother isn't going to play at all, he's going back to the room.

**Skipping this part, skipping this part, skipping this part**

I tried to explain that the park hours were shorter this time of year, and when the MK is open, you need to be there. There were two whole hours left! I also attempted to point out that Disney is giving away candy. Again, Disney is giving away candy. One more time, Disney is giving away candy. When Disney is G-I-V-I-N-G something/anything away, most especially candy, this is the place to be.

Didn't work Brother's in deep and has to go.

After two hours, we headed for the buses to head back. Em  was ticked that we weren't taking the monorail back and took it out on DS (19) by beating him with her wand, chanting "monorail" with each swing. Commando Nikki  & Beatlebum were teasing him because he was just ducking her swings. "Oh big trained killer, big military hot-shot, a little girl is attacking you, go on save yourself." 

He stops cold and says "Okay" grabs them both by the arms, and pushes them in front of the angry, Tinkerbell costume-wearing, wand swinging, monorail screaming, six year old.

Ah, my children are so well behaved.

10/4/2003 ~ Lines in Epcot

Mickey called at 7:30 and woke up Commando Nikki. When the phone rang she bolted straight up out of bed and started looking for her whistle. When I think about it now, maybe she wasn't really sleeping, because she really was out of that bed fast, looking under the bed and in the suitcases. 

"Touch the whistle, and I'll kill you." I told her. She scowled at me, put her hands on her hips, stomped her size 6 foot and said "Thats not a very Disney attitude, Mother." 

In the next breath, she was smiling and saying "Coffee?" and *swoooosh* out the door she went. Yeah, Sybil, I'd love a cup. She was back so fast, I think she had hidden a cup outside the door.

Our crew got up and took turns in the shower. Commando Nikki went first, had a three minute military shower. Then stood next to the door, yelling for the next person to "get on deck" and the one in the shower to "Get out or I will throw a rattlesnake in there". Its a good thing I love this kid. Lets just leave it at that, shall we?

We were ready to go, but Brother's crew is a bit slower than us. They wanted breakfast, so we went down to the food court and got something to eat. It doesn't take long for my crew to start getting out of hand. I can't keep them in one place for long. 

I went to the gift shop, bought 3 Pal Mickeys (for DD's) and 10 pins for DS. Brother's crew was taking waaaay to long, my crew started acting up, so I told Brother we would be at Epcot, call me when you get there.

We took the bus over to Epcot, where Em sees the monorail. "I want to go on that first!" I am trying to explain to this wacko, that the monorail is not a ride, its a mode of transportation. At the same time I am handing DH the camera bag. He literally takes a big jump backwards, puts his hands in front of his face and yells slowly, "Nooooooo!!!"

What is his problem? "Take the bag" I said. "No" He said.

He is now moving his hands and feet in some type of karate defense moves, trying to block the bag. "No, grasshopper, No!" The kids are in busting with laughter, and I am getting irritated. Then I remembered the tampons. I opened every zipper and showed him it was safe, but he still didn't trust me. 

So I stood up, loud and proud and announced, "If you don't take this bag right now, when we get home I will plant tampons everywhere. In your glove box, pockets, shoes, under the pillows..."

"Give me the bag" He GROWLED at me.

I will never understand a mans fear of feminine hygiene products. Obviously, they are not for him.

We got fast passes for test track and went over to HISTA. I was so relieved to be back to normal size. Took a few photos of the kids together, then we went to test track to have skin-to-skin contact with strangers. 

We strolled right on with our fast passes, while Em sang, "We are cutters! We are cutting everyone!" 

Stood in the small room skin-to-skin, and finally got into our car. This was the first time any of us had ridden this ride. Makes it kind of special. Test track makes you into the "crash test dummy" 

My kids describe it like this:

First there's the 'driving like mom' test (brakes & corners), then there is the 'kidney' test (bumpy roads), followed by the 'how's that sunburn' test (extreme heat) and finishing up with the 'your ninnies are showing' test (extreme cold).

Brother finally showed up at 2:00 pm. He wasn't happy. There was too much tension with that crew, so we split up for a while. Commando Nikki went on Mission space. She loved it and suffered no ill effects. But with this kid, it doesn't matter what she goes on, she has a cast-iron stomach. 

All 3 DD's went on body wars while DH & DS went into Innoventions. I sat on a bench, took a break and people watched. I hadn't really noticed a lot of people, the crowds were pretty low. Sadly, that wouldn't last throughout the vacation. If I had known then how sick of people I was going to get, I would have found something else to do.

DD's found me right where they left me. We were going over to Innoventions to collect the guys when we went past the water fountains and a ton of little kids running around in them. Em  freaked and I told her she could go over there, but to only get "a little wet".

Yeah, a six year old knows what you mean by “a little wet.” How did my kids survive me??

She booked it over there, and the fountain started spaying sideways all over her feet. The looked straight down to watch the water on her feet, and the fountain "blowed up". Head to foot, she was soaked. She was wringing out her shirt for 20 minutes.

Her father was pleased with me.

I made a quick restroom stop, and there was a lady standing there holding a little girl. I stood behind her, and she moved to the left. So, I moved to the left. She moved right, I moved right. Finally she turns to me and says, "Uh, I'm not in line." Have you ever POWER BLUSHED before? Just to make myself look a little more stupid, I say "Oh, I know, I was just practicing."

We met back up with Brother around 4:30 (so, how was Epcot Brother?) and took the bus to Wilderness Lodge to eat at the Whispering Canyon Cafe.

Oh GOD! Was that a good time.
 

10/4/2003 ~ A quiet meal at Whispering Canyon (sure)

The Wilderness Lodge is so pretty. I want to stay there someday. I will have to go alone, I don't think the people staying here would find Commando Nikki's whistle very funny. I looked around and also noticed there wasn't one person walking around in blue duck pajama's.

DH knew I was really looking forward to eating here and that was making him a nervous wreak. While we were waiting for our table, he was pacing around the lobby, looking at his feet, shaking his head, and mumbling something. Brother went over to find out if he was okay. They were doing that secret guy language again. He tells Brother. "She's been dying to eat here." and Brother becomes very nervous. "I'll keep an eye out, you drop a Xanax in her drink."

HEY! Play fair! Maybe the food is super-good, it doesn't mean anything is going to happen.

What's wrong with them anyway?

We had reservations were at 5:00 and were seated very quickly. We were all there, except pigtails and scruffy. I have no idea where they wondered off to. Were they with us at all today? I thought I remembered seeing scruffy over at Epcot. Hey, if anyone sees scruffy, could you let him know we are all home? Thanks bunches! 

We were seated in the middle of the room, (hooray!) and I knew some things about WC because of the DIS board. I'll admit it, I was puffed up with pride. Yeah, its true. I guess it was obvious too, because I told Brother to drop his fork to see what would happen. DH jumped up, in slow motion, slowly saying "nnnooooo!!!" put his hand on the table and knocked his own fork onto the floor. Still moving in slow motion, now with both hands over his head slowly waving, looks down on the floor with a horrified look and he starts saying slooowwlyWHYY?.

The great part? Our server, Debbie, was standing right behind him, arms crossed, watching him. Oh yes, he was unaware. She tapped him on the sholder and he sat in his chair really quick. He is looking up at her saying "Look, I dropped my fork, but, I am really really sorry about it. Could you just forget about it?" 

"Oh, surrre" Debbie said as she was spinning around to leave our table, with a big smile on her face. She takes one step away and DH says "Hey, could I have something for free?" Never hurts to ask, right? 

She stopped cold , turned around and threw a gigantic handful of straws on him and said "Enjoy".

I was in tears. I wonder if she expected all our kids, DH, Waldo, & Brother to start throwing and blowing the straws at each other. They all jumped on DH before the last straw was our of her hand. Our table was out of control in 5 seconds. A new personal record for us. I left the table for a minute, not only because I was beginning to fear for my own personal safety, but I wanted to wash my hands. (There's never a line for that.) I came back and everyone had thankfully settled down. DH had a three foot fork in his hand. A gift from Debbie.

DS & DH had the all you care to eat, the girls & I each split meals. We were very happy, eating, chatting, spinning napkins in the air occasionally, and someone comes along and puts a "napkin beanie" on DS's head. DS froze with his fork mid-air. He looks up at me and says "Oh god, mom, what is on my head?"

I'm giggling and say "A napkin." He had such a look of relief on his face, I had to ask, what did you think it was? "A diaper!" Why would you think that? "Because you left the table."

At this point, I am beginning to believe, my family doesn't have a very nice opinion of me.

Debbie continues to be a fabulous server, DH continues to give her a hard time, asking for free stuff. We were just about finished up, and Debbie is walking across the restaurant, with a microphone saying, "Can I please have you attention over here." DH is giving me bad looks, (he did this on his own) and she comes up behind him. She tells the restaurant about how he wants something for free, and she wanted to share it with everyone.

A free pony ride.

He rode around the restaurant on a wooden stick, singing. He was such a good sport. If you had seen the look on his daughters face, you'd also know, he was her first prince on a white horse.

I saw it in her eyes.

 

10/4/2003 ~ Poor little kid

The best piece of advice I can offer to anyone who is traveling with a large group, or just my crew, is to find a few minutes of alone time. When you have so many personalities exploding in your face 24/7 you need to find your own "three feet of personal space".

We left WC (bye Debbie!) and the crew was still in high swing. I was getting somewhat wiped out. (I still had bronchitis) We were heading over to Disney Quest for the rest of the evening. (This is still day 3, 10/4, for those of you who have lost track.) I asked Brother if he was going over with us. "I might be able to for a little while."

What did he just say??

Rather than getting into it with him, I "let it go". (See Uncle Dave, I can do it!) We were all waiting for the bus to go to Downtown Disney, and I just wanted a break, plus I could feel myself getting upset about Brother, so I came up with this brilliant plan. As the bus was headed for us and I grabbed DH. I asked him if he could take the kids and go on without me. I wanted to wait for the next bus. Was he concerned? Did he worry? Nope. He just said "Okie-dokie, see you there." I do so love this man.
Off they went, and out came my cell.

"Mom! Brother won't play with me!" Thats right, I did it, I called MOM. We talked about this whole mess Brother was in, and how we hadn't had any time to spend together and so on. I talked to her from the time they left until my bus arrived at DTD. According to my cell, it was about 1/2 hour. I felt better.
When you go to DTD there are two places they stop. The first is in the marketplace, and the second is at Westside. I knew I needed to get off at the second stop. I still felt like I walk 47 miles from the bus stop to Disney Quest.

Everything about DQ is fun. Even the elevator ride up. When you get off, you are on the third floor. The most important thing you need to know is that the Cheesecake factory is on the fourth floor. Tell them delswife sent you. I knew just where to start looking for my crew. Build your own rollercoaster. I knew if nobody else was there, Commando Nikki would be.

Yup, there she was.
She was with Beatlebum who was looking a bit, oh how to describe this, horrified is a good word, and one that I can spell. I was on the other side of the bars with the camera bag on my shoulder, leaning over talking to them. They told me the general direction of the rest of the crew and I turned to head off, and bump knocked this poor little kid (about 5 yrs old) onto his bum with the camera bag.

Oh now, I have really done it.

Poor little kid is sitting on the floor staring up at me, with great big eyes, waiting for the next assault from me and my camera bag. I didn't know what to do, I am apologizing like a mad woman, but I am afraid to touch him to pick him up. I am franticly looking around for a parent of some kind, still apologizing to poor little kid.

In today’s society, is it acceptable to touch a child that doesn't share your DNA, simply to
return them to their original upright standing position?

A mother finally shows up, and hey, I have no right to judge her in anyway. I have been in DQ for about 15 minutes now, and can only locate 2/5ths of my crew. Its a busy place and it would be very easy to lose a poor little kid. At least all she did was lose him, I may have just scarred him for life! Apparently, this child has the gift of invisibility, because I never saw him. 

"Is he bothering you?" She asks. Lady, are you kidding me? "No, not at all, actually, I conducted a gravity test with him and found him to be bottom heavy." She looked at me oddly. I continued " No what happened was I forgot I wasn't sixteen yrs old anymore and no longer a size 2. My backside requires more room than it once did..." She picked up her child and left.

I turned around and walked straight into BROTHER!!

"Gravity test?" He chuckles.

Well, yeah. Sounded better than, "Hey lady I knocked your poor little kid off his feet with my big butt."

Brother was there with just Waldo. It was great. We found the rest of the crew and wandered downstairs. There is a new game down there called Pirates of the Caribbean. It had a huge line, but we decided we had to find out what it was. I'm glad we did. It is a room that looks like the bow of a ship that you and 4 of your closest friends go in, wearing special goggles and shoot cannons at the pirates to steal their gold. The bow rocks like a boat. It was fun.

We all got into Brothers van, and somehow, I ended up in the back. I still don't know how this happened, and just before I could start freaking out, DH leaned forward to ask Waldo, to please open his door. Very calmly, no emergency sound in his voice at all. Waldo turns around and says "Sure, why?" Dh says "Because you closed the door on my hand and its stuck." I guess seeing your DH's dented fingers will distract you from freaking out. Could dented fingers replace Xanax? I don't think so.

On the way back to POR we started chanting "We want Pepsi products! I want a Mountain Dew!" Brother drove to the gas station, and guess what. No Pepsi products. I asked the guy if Florida sold Pepsi products anywhere and he said, "Yeah, off Disney property." We didn't know Disney had a gas station! Maybe that’s where the monorail gases up?

Back to POR to put my big bum to bed.
 

10/5/2003 ~ Scruffy speaks! (you won't believe what he said)

The next morning I woke up to Commando Nikki standing over me with a cup of coffee in her hand, grinning ear-to-ear. "Thought this would be a time saver." She pushes the cup in my hand and runs off to the shower. Love ya, mean it.

I went outside our rooms to have a cigarette, because I don't smoke in tiny rooms with kids. Brother & DH come out and join me. Brother is sitting on the edge of the stoop, where there is no railing. Just a 2 foot drop to the ground. There are some very lovely bushes right around that area, like I said, POR is very nice. We are chatting, and I am thinking, "Wow, this is so great" just as the sprinkler turns on.
Nope, nobody got wet. But I think Brother peed a little.

Did you ever notice that when the sprinkler turns on, it sounds a lot like a rattlesnake? Brother did.
His arm jumped and rolled the rest of his body across the stoop, almost into DH's lap. At the same time, I jump up, in a high-pitched scream, "Grasshopper?"

This ladies and gentlemen was the start of another very long day.

There were alot of things to do today. Including Brother & SIL's re-hitching ceremony at the
Garden Grill.Who are we kidding here? They haven't gotten along for a minute so far and we are 4 days into this vacation. I mention it to Brother, and the look on his face scared me just a little bit.

There was no way he was going to do it. Nope, not going to happen.

I took him into our room and showed him the mickey and minnie bride/groom ears I bought them. He wasn't interested.

I told him they were holding my credit card for this. He would pay me back.
I told him DH & I got married here, and look at us. That made him smirk.
I told him Chuck & Dave would be there. That sold him.

I gave him the mouse bride/groom ears to take over and surprise SIL. 

I had the warm fuzzies thinking about how I would feel if DH did that.

I wish three things, the first that he hadn't gone through the door connecting our rooms, the second that he had closed the door and the third that I could have gotten out of my room faster. 

It was awful. Poor Brother.

I did manage to get out to DH. I don't think he had heard any of it and I was real uncomfortable. There were to many "crew" members around to tell him what happened. I was mad that she just treated Brother like that. She screamed at him, because she didn't want the mouse ears to mess up her hair. There was name calling, Brother didn't deserve any of that.

Between crew members, I am trying to tell DH the story, Brother comes out of his room. On top of his head are the Mickey groom ears. He is obviously not happy.

Oh, thars' gonna be some trouble!

He leans over and growls in my ear, "I don't care what you have to do, set fire to yourself if you have to, but get me out of this."
You bet.
Got a lighter right here.

Scruffy emerges from Brother's room. That’s where you've been?? 

DH elbow's me, he thinks he’s found scruffy.
Now, I've never been clear on how we all live in the same country, and have such different accents. Brother, on occasion, has had to translate some things SIL or Waldo have said. Brother had to translate EVERYTHING scruffy said.

Scruffy began talking to DH & myself. It sounded like this:

"dang-durng, tharsa bout ta be some strassin upin har. Looken lika sandy coud putta fixen on it, whadda ya do?"

DH & I are both making this strange squinty-eyed, mouth kinda hanging open look. You know where you tip your head sideways without moving your eyes because the angle helps in the translation.

Dh's smiles and says "Ah, yeah."
"Swat! Haren have addit." Scruffy says.
Dh's smiles and says "Ah, yep."

Later, I asked DH why he just didn't say he didn't understand him. He felt he had gotten to far into the conversation and couldn't back out.

Scruffy, who is grining, reaches into his pocket, opens a little box and presents DH with a little pill.
Dh looks at Brother, who can't help laughing because he knows DH didn't understand any of thier little conversation, and asks him, "What’s that?"

Brother says "Xanax." laughing.

Dh says "I don't want that. What do I do?" Oh has scruffy gone deaf, honey?
Brother says, "Just say no, man."
Dh looks at me and says, "Did I just commit a crime?" No, honey, not yet. 

DH looks back at scruffy and firmly says "No thank you." 

Scruffy replies "hen yen thars no trable min." 

Dh jumps back and says "I don't know what you just said but I've got to go." and that was the last I saw of him until breakfast. 

Apparently scruffy was under the impression that the Xanax in our room was for DH and he couldn't go back into our room to get it because of the crazy lady in their room and the doors were still open between them. I guess to scruffy, Dh looked liked he needed them. That was scruffy's side of the conversation.

Gee, take one little Xanax at the airport, and it will haunt you forever. Who are these people Brother?
 

10/5/2003 ~ Re-hitching

Princess Jasmine had left Em a package in our room. When it was safe to go in, she ran in and changed into her new costume. Luckily she had no need for Xanax.

I found DH at the food court with the rest of our crew. I heard him telling DS that no matter what scruffy says to you, just say no. DS is confused, but agrees. This was going to be DS's day, whatever he wanted to do, because he had to leave us tonight. He wanted to go to Norway in Epcot.

Why?

Have you ever seen the girls in Norway? That’s why.

Commando Nikki is thrilled we will be going into the world showcase because there are hot guys in kilts with electric guitars in Canada. 

"Oh yes, Off-kilter" I say.

 "They take the kilts off?" She squeals clapping her hands. 

We could only wish.

It is at this point Brother appears with his wife in their bride/groom ears. Brother is still scowling at me and I am hiding behind DH. Stupid me thought it would be nice for them to have a re-hitching ceremony because they have only been married 5 months. Anyone want to bet me if they make it to a year?

The crew rides over to Epcot with DS because he is leaving from there and needs his car. DH, myself, Brother and his wife all take the bus. Scruffy is MIA.

We arrive at Epcot and the kids are standing there at the gate, not happy with mother. I have enough on my mind, thinking Brother is going to take me out at any second, how am I suppose to remember they had no tickets to get in. We are only a few minutes behind them.

As we go threw the turnstiles, people are congratulating Brother and his wife.

Please stop it. Every time someone congratulated Brother, he jabbed me in the ribs. I had bruises for days. He takes me aside, distracting his wife with yet another pin cart and says "Do something." 

I go for my lighter, thinking this is the time for me to set myself on fire, but realized at the same time my crew is in Innoventions. "Hey! Consider yourself ditched."

I was outta there.

I met the crew and explained to them the entire mess, and there would be no re-hitching at the garden grill. They were not happy because they liked the ice cream social and wanted to say hi to Chuck & Dave. 

"That’s Chuck & Dale" Em states which just gets them rolling with laughter and makes her mad. The princess is not amused, but has no weapon readily available.

 "Oh, we are going to the ice cream social, make it happen mom." Arrrgh!

Sooo, I call Brother on the cell and say "Hey, guess what, your phone doesn't work and I can't find you."

"That works, because I sat down on a bench took off my groom hat and someone stole it." Translation: I went to the men’s room and jammed that sucker into the bottom of the trash.

We never made it to Norway or Canada, (poor hormonal teenagers). We were playing on test track. The sunburn test was becoming a little less funny. When our car would go through, our crew would say "ow,ow,ow,ow".

We finally got to the ice cream social, but had to wait. DH, DS(19) and Waldo(18) went out to have a cigarette.

Uh oh, Waldo's with us.

Waldo, DS, and DH had a very interesting talk. Come to find out, he was planning on ditching Brother and his wife and just blended in with our crew. WE were the group to be with. He was no fool. When they came back in Waldo took my cell phone and without turning it on started yelling into in "MOM, DAD!" Nope, they couldn't hear him either. He was so pleased with himself.

When it was our turn, the lady at the desk asked if we were doing the re-hitching ceremony. Before I can say no, Dh pipes up and says yes. He still wanted to marry me again.

All together now, awwwwwww.

Everyone except Beatlebum and myself went to the restroom. We had already taken care of washing our hands and were sitting in the booth, talking. As we are talking, Mickey plops himself down next to us. We squeal with delight, and Mickey plays with us for a few minutes. It was the coolest mother-daughter moment in the history of mankind.

Beatlebum realizes the restaurant to moving.

I think she was hoping the rest of the crew wouldn't be able to find us because we weren't in the same place when they left. She looked a bit disappointed when they all showed up.

I think Commando Nikki was getting on her last nerve. She was on mine.

So, we are served these huge ice cream masterpieces. It is worth $6.99, easily. I have fudge dripping from my chin when our server, Bobby comes over and tells us its time.

Bobby also says he's about to embarrass us in from of a room of people.

Bobby hasn't read these trip reports. Bobby is NOT in the "know".

We stand up and take our places, facing each other holding hands, Bobby begins screaming at the top of his lungs to everyone in the restaurant. I am now deaf in that ear, as is DH. He asked me if I take DH again and you'd think where I only had one line, I'd get it right. 

I said yes, I was suppose to say "I do". Ah well, thanks for pointing that out Bobby.

He asked DH if he took me again. Dh looks at the kids, and is squeezing my fingers together. He puts one hand on his chin and tips his head like he is thinking about it. He finally said yes, in which he was immediately corrected by Bobby, "Its 'I do'" and we have to kiss to the count of 100 (by tens). The kids are making all kinds of gagging noises, because they are brats. 

We are given a lovely paper saying we are re-hitched. I like the idea of getting married every time we go to Disney together. At least this time, I wasn't so nervous.

We were having yet another great Disney day, and had another party to attend. DS decides he can stay for a little while, Hooray! 

I call Brother and told him it was safe now and we are getting ready to head to the MNSSHP. He said they aren't going. I had some smart comment about when he had time, maybe he could come to Maine and pay us a visit. He saw the humor in it.

We start to head out of the Epcot and EM nearly has a nervous breakdown, because we are finally headed for the monorail.
 

10/5/2003 ~ Em's monorail

As you may recall, the monorail is Em's very favorite ride. While we are strolling up the ramp, Commando Nikki blasts off in front of us. See ya. 

Waldo & DS each have one of Em's arms and are beating on her head and butt with their bags. (It had T-shirts in them, I wouldn't actually allow them to injure the child.) She is trying to drag them up the ramp and is getting really mad. She is screaming MONORAIL!! when Commando Nikki comes back for the rest of us.

"We have to wait for the next one. We can sit in the front!" This kid has been peeking at the Dis boards, hasn't she?

We have a seat and Em is on fire! She didn't get that the monorail was driven by someone, and this was going to be a special treat. Nope, she didn't want to hear any of that.

God love the little children, but have you ever seen that thing they do when they are not getting their own way? Even if you don't have children, you have seen it. We all have. Its that thing they do, like their head suddenly weighs 50 lbs more than it did a second ago, their arms have no use, and their legs become Jello. She had her eyes rolled up in the back of her head and her tongue out to the side of her mouth. Very pretty.

The first monorail comes and Em springs back to life. She grabs DS by the shirt and is trying to drag him on it with her. "Lets go, lets go, lets go!!!" She of course, doesn't move him an inch.
Em & DS. You'll never meet two kids that are closer. Wherever DS is, Em is right behind him. While DS was with us, we never really had to keep an eye on her. We knew she was with him. She stands outside the men’s room door screaming his name. You just know she wants to bolt in there and get him. He just loves her to pieces.

So, he doesn't move. Em has a total look of betrayal on her face. She can't believe her partner in crime just let her down. The monorail starts to pull way, and Em, that sweet angel, swings her foot full back to kick him.....there. He grabs her foot and hangs her upside down by it. When he puts her back on her feet, her costume had slipped a bit down in the back exposing her tushy, just a little bit.

"Auditioning to be a Maine plumber?" DH asked.

I was so unbelievably happy when the next monorail pulled up. I almost hugged the CM standing there. Commando Nikki surprised me when she said, "I'm riding with you guys so DS, EM, Beatlebum and Waldo can sit in the front." 

I was proud of her for doing that for the other kids. (She got her chance) 

Wow, what a sweetheart, so thoughtful, arranging for the other kids to ride in the front.......

Yeah, we got into the monorail and Commando Nikki fell asleep. Anyone seen that whistle?
 

10/5/2003 ~A painful goodbye

Em emerged from the cabin of the monorail, simply beaming, holding in her hand her O- fficial monorail license. She now owned a piece of the monorail. Great, you know what she's going to be like to live with now??

We went through our usual routine of going through the turnstiles, handing me all the tickets (DH blew it) and getting our goody bags.

We were not as bouncy and happy.

We were getting sadder with each step.

We knew soon, DS was going to leave.

We played around on Buzz a few more times, and I bought the ride photo because DS was in it. We went down Space Mountain and I bought the ride photo because DS was in it. You get the idea.

DH noticed I was buying all the ride photos and started to, for one split second, question this. One look at me and he knew, if DS was in the photo, I was buying it. I think he was afraid that an innocent passerby might stop and catch DS in their own photos and I would steal their camera.

It was getting late. We went to Paco Bills to grab a bite. I wasn't that hungry. You could feel the tension building in our crew, all except Em. She was still unaware that her super-hero was leaving. It was better that way so she could have some fun with him. I was glad later that we made that decision.

The fireworks started and we all quietly watched. It was about 10:00 pm and DS really had to get on the road. It tore my heart out to watch the kids all walking through Adventureland to the front gate, all holding hands. When they were walking down Main St. hand-in-hand I tried to take some photos, but I was crying too hard and they are all blurry.

Did you know the CM's are really special people? Do you realize how special they are? I found out later when Waldo told me. At the time, I didn't realize there were any other people there at all.

We got to the front gate near the turnstiles. The electric light parade was going by. DS got on his knees and told Em he had to go.

"Why?" She was pulling on his shirt, big fat tears running down her cheeks. 

"Because I have to go to work." He was fighting tears.

"Why?" she asked again.

"Because America needs me."

"I need you." She was bawling at this point and she grabbed him around the neck. They were both sobbing. We had to pull her off him. She had weaved her fingers together and wouldn't let go. It broke my heart. We were all crying.

He gave his sisters hugs and kisses, DH a handshake then a big hug, Waldo a handshake... Then it was my turn.

I thought my heart would rip out though my chest. 

We hugged a long time, and I told him things in his ear. I am so proud of my son, for where he came from and where he is now. He has done good. He is my only son, my firstborn, my baby. I will love him the rest of my life.

He started walking towards the monorail, and I was watching DH's face. He had tears in his eyes as he followed Ds walk up the monorail ramp. I was afraid to look, afraid if I did look, would simply curl up and die.

I looked.

They saw a man, with a military hair-cut in his clean white shirt, with all his muscles and his wdw shopping bag walking into his future and working on F-16 fighter jets.

I saw my baby with his sun bleached blond hair, chubby dimpled cheeks and chocolate on his chin.

I love you Chris. Bye.

I have to stop here, I promise this is the last time I will make you cry.
 

10/5/2003 ~ Day 4 Quiet end of the evening

**Shake it off, shake it off.**

We were a mess once DS left. Waldo tells me that a few people stopped to watch and we had about 4 - 5 Cm's kind of "guarding" us. They would politely usher them along, allowing us some privacy. There was one CM that was trying to give Em stickers, but she just kept crying quietly, big tears rolling off her cheeks.

We went back into the MNSSHP, but we were still pretty out of it. DH sat on the sidewalk with the girls waiting for the parade, while I went and called my mom.

I was P-O'd at Brother for not being there.

The headless horsemen came riding down Main street. Em wouldn't move off DH's lap. She was laying across it. Poor little thing was an emotional mess.

We thought about leaving, but the girls insisted they wanted to stay. They got their faces painted, and we rode a few rides. Em was beginning to feel better. She found an American flag pin with all the characters on it she wanted to buy for him.

We left MK just strolling along towards the buses, wandering near the boat dock, just as casual as can be and I noticed something very strange.

Two kids I had never seen before were following DH. They were about 8-9 yrs. old. I thought we had had this talk, we weren't having kids together. I asked DH where he got the extra kids, and when he stopped and turned around, the little girl nearly fainted. Her daddy's backside and Dh's backside looked a lot alike. We kept an eye on them and relocated thier panic-stricken parents.

Nice bus ride back, made some friends with strangers, had some skin-to-skin contact and arrived at POR. Waldo bid us ado and disappeared into his room. The girls went straight to bed, DH & I stepped outside for a final cigarette and to talk about the days events.

Brother was sitting on the stoop, but not too close to the edge.

We got a chance to talk about what was going on with him, why they weren't having a good time. He hadn't gone on any rides except for our first day, seen no shows, fireworks or parades. He was spending his vacation standing outside gift shops waiting. All she wanted to do is shop. I felt so bad for him.

We covered the next days schedule. We were going to Discovery Cove to swim with the dolphins. I was sad DS was going to miss it, and I will take him there someday, but I was excited for Beatlebum. This was right up her alley. This kid was all about the fish. We agreed that we had to be there very early, 8:30 am, so we had to head to bed now.

Commando Nikki would be up first, with her stinking whistle. She's probably laying in there awake now, because she DID arrange a power-nap for herself on the monorail.

Brat.
 

10/6/2003 ~ Lets go, already!

Our morning started off like the others, with a couple of exceptions. Commando Nikki was standing over me with a cup of coffee, but Beatlebum was awake too. This was her big day. She was going to touch a dolphin, a dream of hers.

Commando Nikki wasn't allowing showers this morning, no way. They have showers at Discovery Cove and we will be in the water all day. She was throwing herself in front of the bathroom door every time someone made a move near it. She thought she was funny, imitating DH's slow motion karate moves.

I stepped outside & she followed me barking her usual "Let's move, let's go!" pulling on the back of my blue duck pajama's. Yeah, keep bugging me kid, and you'll find out how slow I can really move. While she is harassing me, DH snuck into the shower.

Commando Nikki freaked!

She was all arms and legs running back into our room, pounding on the door, screaming. I could tell by the way she was darting her head around, she was looking for that stupid whistle. I still wonder why POR didn't kick us out. Nobody else behaves like us.

I got dressed and for some dumb reason I had my camera (Nikon 5700) hanging from one shoulder and the video camera (Canon ZR65, for the camera buffs) on the other. I went outside to take a look at the pictures I had taken. Brother was already sitting out there when I sat down.

**CRASH**

Both cameras hit the floor when I did. Perfect.

"Gravity test?" Brother asked.

Jerk.

"You DO know you can also shorten the straps on those things?" Brother said sarcastically. Shut up.

"So, the warrantee on those must have just run out?"

I mean it, shut up.

"Did you hear how crisp the sound of that crash was?"

I kicked him. I pointed over the edge of the stoop and screamed "Snake!!" 

He screamed back "Grasshopper!"

Dh comes out of our room begging me to do something about Commando Nikki, she was trying to put his sandals on for him.

Beatlebum & Em were wrestling with Waldo, trying to get him to hurry up.

Where's scruffy with the Xanax?

I unclench my hands long enough to find out the damages to my cameras. Just so you know, they can handle a 3 foot drop. I was shocked the lenses didn't crack, because you know that’s how they both landed. Wheeew!

I packed them back up and grabbed the disposable water-proof one. They had been through enough today.

Hey, wouldn't this be a good time for Brother & his wife to have a problem? Scuffy and pigtails did too. Oh, good!

The kids had all taken off for Brother's van. Dh & I were waiting, not caring anymore if they all killed each other, but we weren't the ones with the tickets, or the van. Commando Nikki came back, in tears pleading with me to do something.

I mooned her.

I did something.

What more could I do?

Scruffy was moving into Brothers room. NOW. Pigtails was heading home, NOW. Scruffy and Brother's wife had a fight. DH was looking at me with his eyes wide open, jerking his head to the side, trying to tell, me "Lets go."

But Lassie, I don't have the tickets or a van. Timmy can rot in the well.

I went to the van to check on the kids, and to try to calm down Commando Nikki, who was very close to having a heart attack. I headed back to the room to talk to Brother and met up with pigtails in the hall.

"Hey, Hi, we about ready to go?" I smiled at her. Pigtails wasn't smiling, she almost plowed over me. 

Note to self: Stay away from pigtails.

Brother was just standing outside his room while his crew was inside battling to the death. It was getting late! We were suppose to get there for 8:30 and it was almost 9:30. Scruffy was yelling that he wasn't going until...

Are you ready for this?

You sure?

He wasn't going until he washed his hair. At least that’s what Brother translated for us. Brother was rolling his eyes, just chuckling on how ridiculous his crew and vacation had become.

Finally, it happened, Commando Nikki snapped. We should have seen it coming. Brother couldn't move fast enough. She jumped on his back and started pulling him back by the forehead.

"I said let's go, I mean let's go!" Thankfully Brother took pity on the kid and didn't kill her.

Brother & I thought maybe if we were all sitting in the van, they would come along. They did, 1/2 hour later. I felt so bad for the kids, but I knew once we ever did get there, it would be all good times.

Sure.
 

10/6/2003 ~ Scuba Steve

We are finally underway, I'm driving, brother's wife is sitting in the passenger seat. Everyone else is in the back enjoying the skin-to-skin contact. It was almost 10:30. The kids were disappointed, but Brother & DH were trying to cheer them up.

Brother's wife was mumbling something about killing herself. Was she looking for suggestions? I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but at that moment, that’s how I felt. Sorry. She knows Brother's first wife died that way, don't play those head-games.

By the time we pulled into Discovery Cove, I was ready to kill someone. 

This was the first time since Star taxi/Limo,(hissss bad) that I was this upset. We got out of the van, locked it and headed to the front door.

In the brochure for DC it says, "Leave your worries behind" I drove up with a vanload. I am so glad that when we walked into the lobby, the kids were so over-whelmed they had forgotten about everything else.

They were all immediately out of control, and all was right with the world again. Mother was pleased.

You have to have your picture taken in the lobby, then they make I.D. tags that you wear around your neck. Everyone except Brother's wife (and maybe scruffy, it was hard to tell) made a silly face. 

Guess how long Em had hers?

A very happy lady came over and explained she was our tour guide. From the lobby she started walking backwards to different locations that were important to know. We stopped for the complementary family photo, and she continued to walk backwards through the park, showing us the gift shop (sorry Brother), cabanas, food court, smoking area, salt and fresh water tanks. She never looked behind her, not once. It was cool. When she was finished her tour, I had to ask her how long the backwards walking training took. Not long when you walk into enough trees, apparently.

We went to the area to choose either a wet suit or vest. I told DH that the water would be cold, so maybe he would be happier in a suit. I got all our girls and myself suits and we went into the changing rooms to get ready.

Em's didn't exactly fit very well. She got it on, but couldn't bring her arms forward (they were straight out, flung back) and Commando Nikki was trying to zip it up the back. I walked out of my dressing room and saw her nearly strangling the poor child. I told her the suits come in different sizes, just get her a bigger one. One tiny little problem, we now have a child stuck in a suit. The 'going on' part was much easier than the 'coming off' part. Took all three of us to get her out. Commando Nikki holding Em, Beatlebum & I yanking on the suit.

*POP* she was free, and Commando Nikki ran out to get her another one.

Inside the dressing rooms they have full length mirrors. Why do they do that? I walked by it and
**erkkk, hit the brakes!**

A suit has interesting bulges and wrinkles. They are all in the wrong places. 

I don't think so.

I take the suit back off, and decided to get a vest instead. It was a wiser choice. I'm not afraid of a little cold water, I'm afraid of bulges and wrinkles in the wrong places.

So we are all ready to go, my girls and I, walking out of the dressing room singing our songs and there he was....

Scuba Steve.

I can't speak. I am immediately transformed from a wife and mother, into a giggling school girl. Was I really married to him?? Whoa!

"I feel like an idiot." DH says

I giggle.

"I look like an idiot, don't I?"

No you look like a god, but I am a giggling school girl and can't tell you that.

"I'm changing" Oh please don't! You are in the same category as the hot guys in kilts with electric guitars, the sweaty guy wearing a tool belt and the guy in a leather jacket on the back of a motorcycle.

"What’s wrong with you, mom?" Commando Nikki asked.

"Del's a hottie." I tell her.

"Okay, well, that’s just gross!" she says. That’s your opinion, daughter.

DH was happy I found him beautiful and kept the suit on. 

Hooray! 

Brother came along and pronounced him, Scuba Steve. We were having a ball. We went down to the fresh water tanks and had a swim. 

The girls wanted to check out the fish so we went into the salt water tank, burrrr, and that’s where we learned....

Scuba Steve is afraid of fish.
 

10/6/2003 ~ Brother MIA

Scuba Steve wont come in the water past his ankles. Scuba Steve is originally from a small town waaayy up north Maine, that is very landlocked. Scuba Steve will pass on fish touching him, thank you very much. Scuba Steve used to be in the 82nd Airbourne and will be happy to come in if I parachute from a plane first, without Xanax.

Okay, stand on the shore, but Brother's wife is coming up behind you. Screaming.

For Brother.

Brother had made his great escape. Brother's wife can't and wont swim. He & Waldo were gone. 

Brilliant idea because everyone looks the same, face down, yellow suits or vests, snorkeling along. He could have warned the rest of us tho...

I think this is payback for the grasshopper incident.

After about 10 seconds of listening to Brothers wife scream from shore for Brother & Waldo, Scuba Steve decided the fish were a better bet.

He just didn't want anyone to know she was in our group.

Oh, later the entire park will know. This park and the rest of Florida. I'm not sure if we will be allowed back.

Beatlebum was in her glory. You haven't heard much about her because she’s shy and she is usually standingthisclose to me at all times, watching the action. This was her big day. I was so happy for her. She has said for about 3 years now that she wants to be a marine biologist when she grows up. This was the land of paradise for her.

Missing: Brother & Waldo. Last seen by Scuba Steve who is standing behind them in sunglasses.
Dh would only come in up to his waist. The fish were still swimming too close to him, and he wasn't liking that one bit. Brother's wife was still screaming for Brother & Waldo. People were pointing, staring and whispering behind their hands. I saw them, yup.

Dh wanted me to do something, but with the bathing suit and vest on, I couldn't moon him. Why does my family think I possess magic powers and can fix all these stupid problems? You do something, I told him, and he did.

He left.

Love ya, mean it.

So I am stuck with the screaming fool. I went back up to shore to find out what she needed. She needed to eat. That actually sounded like a pretty good idea to me.

Right behind the life guard stand they have a box. It contains life vests and those long, floaty, life-saving, stick things. I am not much of a swimmer, and I felt stupid wearing a life vest, so I grabbed a long, floaty, life-saving, stick thing and ventured out to find my crew, Brother, and Waldo.

Brother's wife needed to eat, and sticking something in her mouth might get her to shut up.

Finding my crew was a piece of cake. Brother & Waldo were trickier, they were hiding out and saw me coming so they swam in another direction to avoid me, directly into Commando Nikki.

Ha-ha. Love ya, mean it.

We gathered together in the middle and I told Brother it was time to eat. He said "No, not going back there, I live here now." Waldo nodding his head in agreement. I told him it was his wife, not mine and it was time to go eat. I had him by the arm and was trying to drag him to shore and he...

took my long, floaty, life-saving, stick thing. I started to sink.

Commando Nikki swam down, grabbed my arm, brought me back to the surface and told Brother "We need her! She has all the money!"

Oh, so the truth comes out! They don't wait for me because they can't go on without me, they wait for me because DH isn't allowed any cash! (I refer you back to the drivers license.) 

Nice family I have here.

I convinced Brother & Waldo to come to shore and eat with us. How? I threatened to call mom. I have a cell phone and am not afraid to use it. Surely mom would be on my side. 

So he, Waldo, Commando Nikki and I swam back to shore to eat and then....

Things got really weird.
 

10/6/2003 ~ Joy to the crew

Discovery Cove gives you lunch for free. For $230. per person admission, I'm not convinced its free, but it is very, very good. In case you have lost track, I have, we are a group of nine. My crew of five, Brother's crew of three and scruffy. It's chow time.

We step into the commissary, and it is a huge buffet table that curves like a horseshoe. Always go left I remind my crew, that is what’s recommended on the Dis. Left is for Disney, Discovery Cove wants you to go right. We started out on the left, them some lady announced that is was empty over on the right, and our crews began to stampede that way. Pushing each other, swinging trays, skin-to-skin contact. 

Didn't see that coming did ya, lady?

"Ever feed these people?" Brother asked me while we stood back at a safe distance, watching them. Not if I can help it, I have Pizza Hut on speed dial.

Brother joined back up with his wife, I joined my crew. Commando Nikki, Beatlebum and Em all had a main course and two desserts.

"The lady said a main course and two sides, and desserts are sides." Beatlebum told me. Fine, whatever, your on vacation, have at it.

We walked out to find a place to sit. Waldo already had a table and was trying to get us to sit down. It was a table for four people, I don't know how he thought nine of us would fit. Brother, his wife, scruffy and waldo all unloaded their trays and sat down. Dh said No way, and found us a table for five. 

Waaaaay over there, around the corner, away from Brother's crew.

Dh felt badly for abandoning Brother, but he had enough of Brother's wife.

We unload our trays, sit down and begin to enjoy our meals, and around the corner comes Brother and his crew.

Carrying their food in their hands. Where are the trays?
Why are YOU people smiling?

The sit at the table right next to us, Waldo tried to drag it closer but DH piped up and told him that it wouldn't be necessary. Brother and his wife were both smiling. It was the first time I had seen that, and it was freaking me out some. I looked at Brother, who is still grinning and he winks at me. 

Hummm, something’s up.

Dh then knocks over Ems drink into her lap. Not wanting to be outdone, Waldo knocks over his drink into Brother's wife’s lap. They really were both accidents, but it was funny that Brother & I each had someone at our table screaming about getting wet.

Uh, didn't you both just get out of the water, and aren't you both wearing wetsuits?

A very nice man came right over to clean up our messes and Brother proudly explained to him that we conducted underwater durability tests and he would be happy to know that the tables both passed.

The man was not amused.

Beatlebum and Commando Nikki decided it would be funny to bet Brother he wouldn't eat a spoonful of Guacamole. (The green stuff, not a squashed up duck). 

Brother looked at the spoon and acted like he was afraid. He told him if did do it, they would have to stand up in front of everybody and sing "I'm a little teapot" (there was a table of cute boys, right over there) and if he didn't do it, he would get up and sing. 

Gee, this would be a good time to have a whistle, wouldn't it?

I tried to warn them, I really did. Do they think I just met Brother?

So they lost and per agreement with Brother, I am displaying for my 55,000 closest Dis friends the photo I took. Can you see that Em is they only one enjoying this? The cute boys are behind the man walking.

How do you like me now? Love ya, mean it.

So, we continue to eat, Brother & his wife continue to smile and I can't take anymore.

"Brother, can I have a word with you behind my hand please?" 

We lean over and I asked Brother what all the smiling was about. 

"She asked me for a divorce" He tells me.

Hooray!
 

10/06/2003 ~ Watch your head

The longest relationship you will have is not with your children, parents, or spouses, its with your siblings. 

They are the only ones that are there from your birth to your death. Brother is one of the greatest people I know, he can make anyone laugh and be his friend. He is also one of the funniest people I have ever met, and my kids call him "Uncle Funny". Brother has lived through a lot of hard times and he is MY super-hero. When our father was alive he took Brother & I went to Disney 14 times back when the MK was the only park there. This was our first trip together since the other parks opened. It was our "homecoming".

His wife was sucking the life out of it.

From the time they met, until this day they knew each other a total of eight months. Yeah, time to get away from each other. They don't even seem to like each other.

Brothers little announcement surprised me for about a minute and a half. He was trying so hard to please her, but nothing did.

We finished up lunch, Brother, DH & I went to the smoking area to have a cigarette. I had a seat, told Dh that the cigarettes were in the locker and gave him the key.

Hand to god, sometimes I think I married Jim Carrey circa Ace Ventura.

DH went to the locker, and a second later he was running back to Brother and I, hands in the air waving over his head shaped like claws, taking gigantic hop-steps. There was some kind of guy language exchange that I totally missed, because Brother grabbed the back of my chair and tipped me backwards **screech!!* dangerously close to the ground. I wrapped my legs around the legs of the chair and was holding on for dear life. It was after all, a six inch drop. I could have suffered a disfiguring bump to the head.

Brother bent over me holding the chair and stuck his finger in my face. 

"You have been previously warned!" He bellowed.

Don’t drop me! What did I do?

"This is your final warning, understand?" He continued.

Okay, I'll never do it again, just don't drop me!

Brother put me back where I belong, Dh was wiggling around with the hee-bee gee-bees. I was trying to recover from my near death experience of a six inch drop to the ground and the risk of a disfiguring bump to the head. What just happened?

There was a tampon in the locker.

For the love of God guys, when you travel with 3 girls over the age of twelve, thats the chance you take, deal with it.

We had some time to kill and Em wanted to swim some more. That kid is part fish. Beatlebum & Commando Nikki wanted to check out the bird aviary, so I told them to head down, I'd be right behind them. Dh & I said our "love ya, mean its" and parted ways. 

When I walked into the aviary Commando Nikki had a bird sitting on her head, trying to make a nest out of her braids. She was chanting "Please don't poop, nice bird, please don't poop." All the birds were very friendly, they kept landing on us, except the toucan. I went over and looked at the Toucan, but I was too chicken to put my hand near it.

Get it? Bird aviary, I was chicken? HA! I crack me up.

Good thing, because some guy DID put his hand near it and it snapped at him. His bill made a loud clap sound, like a knife hitting a cutting board.

Note to self: Avoid pigtails and the Toucan.

Our Dolphin swim time was coming around and we gathered the crew into our cabana. They put you into groups of eight, Waldo went with us and two very nice, but Band-Aid covered people. (From here on out to be known as "the Band-Aids, Mr. & Mrs.) Brother, his wife and scruffy went with 5 other people. We watched a movie about dolphins and what to do or not do. Em  kept falling asleep. Dh kept shaking her. She would sit up, open her eyes real wide for a second and fall back to sleep. She was a pooped little kid.

I think everyone in that room could feel Beatlebums excitement. It was busting out of her face. I have never seen her more alive. This was a moment she waited for her entire life and when I told her we were taking her, she broke down in sobbing tears. When I looked over at her, she was sitting on the edge of her seat leaning forward and I could tell she was trying to memorize and absorb everything the woman said. She was enjoying every second. The expression in her eyes is something I will never forget.

It was a very happy day. 

For Beatlebum at least.
 

10/6/2003 ~ Swimming lessons

Brother had been playing in the water with the girls. His wife stood on the shore, watching him. Brother was having fun, the girls jumping on him trying to drown him. His wife was about to put an end to that.
As we went into the cabanas to watch our film, she decided they could work things out after all. The smiling came to a screeching halt for both parties.

Oh, ah, good. Glad to hear it?

Just to clarify, Waldo & Scruffy are his wife's(48) kids. Brother (35) met Waldo first and they hit it off. Waldo wanted to keep Brother forever, he loved him so much, so he introduced them.
We now believe Waldo simply wanted protection. 

We all wanted protection.

Waldo came with our crew, along with Mr. & Mrs. Bandaids. We had to squat down shoulder-to-shoulder in about 3 feet of freezing, ninnie-hardening water. Dh looked down and spoke to himself, uh, down there.. "Look out boys, here we go."

Now, skin-to-skin contact with your family members is one thing, you know about skin-to- skin contact, when you are too close to someone else’s sweaty, sticky, clammy skin and when you pull apart, it sort of sticks together.

Ugg, do it with someone who has an odd odor and multiple Band-Aids.

Front to back of the line up was Waldo, Commando Nikki, Beetlebum, Em, Dh, me, Mrs. & Mr. Band-Aids. 

Mrs. Band-Aids was squishing up against me hard, apparently having never been informed of the no skin-to-skin contact rules. I asked Dh to please trade places with me.

He did, for a second and a half.

Scuba Steve doesn't like fish or Band-Aids touching him. He squat-swam to the front of the line up to get as far away from Mrs. Band-Aids as he could. Ew-ew-ew.

Love ya, mean it.

We let Mr. & Mrs. Bandaids go first.

She had left a Band-Aid imprint on my shoulder. Thanks, bunches!

Next was DH & myself. It hadn't occurred to me until just that second that we had to swim from 3 feet of ninnie-hardening water into 30 feet of it.

Anyone seen my long, floaty, life-saving, stick thing? Sure could use it about now.

Dh told me to keep one hand on his shoulder and he would make sure I didn't drown. Part
of me believes he didn't want me to drown because he wasn't sure where his licence was, and he isn't allowed any money or tickets.

But again I am transformed into giggling school girl. 

I'm touching Scuba Steve! I'm touching Scuba Steve!

I don't know what got into me, okay? I HAVE seen this guy naked.

So we get about half way out, I'm drinking most of the water on the way, Oh god, just HOW many people and dolphins peed in here today? and the lady waiting for us in the middle notices I am, in fact, drowning. Love ya hon’, mean it. Really, I do. Can't you feel me digging into your flesh? 

She swims to us and said "Can't swim?"

Oh, of course I can swim, I was just very, very thirsty.

I can swim, but this is the most accurate way to test the salt-level content of the tank. 

You're a lifeguard, do I look like I am swimming to you?

If I could swim, why wouldn't I? Wouldn't this be a good time to do such a thing?

Now having to put my life into this ladies hands, literally, I kept my sarcastic remarks to myself. She took my hand and PULLED me out to where we belonged and in doing so I swallowed a gallon and a half of people/dolphin peed in water.

Lesson one on how to swim: Shut your mouth.

We were floating in the middle, okay, THEY were floating, I was hanging on for dear life. "Jenny" our dolphin swam right up next to us. This is where I quickly discovered that the video tape and lesson in the cabana earlier was important need-to-know information. They told us to watch out for that powerful tail. No matter what, stay out of the way of its powerful tail.

Lesson two on how to swim: People who CAN swim aren't sticking their legs STRAIGHT out to the sides.

For some reason, I cannot explain, my legs were sticking straight out to the sides and I got clobbered by Jenny’s tail. I can imagine this is what it is like to be hit by a 50lb. bag of cement. I think Jenny was just as surprised as me.

Lesson three on how to swim: People who CAN swim, don’t want you to come along and try to wrap your legs around them.

The two swimming people had decided that the drowner had to go. That sounded pretty good to me, until I thought about it for a minute. Would Jenny really care if I drown on the way back in? Is it possible that Jenny was mad at me for having my legs sticking straight out to the side?

Talk about being in over your head.

I was instructed to put one hand on Jenny’s dorsal fin and the other on her, wait... If the one her back is a dorsal fin, what’s the one on her side called?

Lesson four on how to swim: If you are going to have to replace your long, floaty, life- saving, stick thing with a wild animal, pay closer attention to the video tape.

So, I held on to Jennys dorsal fin and the mystery fin sticking out of her side.

Now, already, I had forgotten lesson one on how to swim: Shut your mouth. I had another
gallon or so of dolphin/people peed water and...

Me and Jenny were outta there.

One small detail, I still don't know where to put my legs.

The velocity that Jenny was traveling was sucking my legs under her tail. Jenny beat the heck out of me all the way back. See! I knew she was mad at me.

Hey Jenny! Love ya, mean it!

When we arrived back to the safer 3 feet of water, Em dropped a fish in Jenny’s mouth and she zipped right back out to Dh and the life-saving lady.

I missed seeing his ride, I was watching Beatlebum. She never took her eyes off Jenny.

I was about to witness a dream come true for my baby.